Angelina Jolie

Man, I’d never thought I’d write about this one in any fashion, but here we go. An interesting character study.

Thumbs up or thumbs down on Angelina?

Instinct has always been a thumbs down, post Girl Interrupted. She was great in that, so I would have given the thumbs up back then. And for Gina in which she was incredibly good in. But when she became Angelina, the go-to hot chick, my thumb changed polarities.

Clearly she’s got hot qualities about her. Every girl it seemed five years ago or so would mutter out the same speech:

“Oh, no. No, I’m not into girls. Yes, I find them beautiful and sexy, but no, I never would. I’m just not interested that’s all. (Pause). Oh wait…I would however fuck the shit out of Angelina Jolie.”

And this came from some surprising sources. Like my mom for example. No. God I hope not.

Guys dug her too, but not with the same passion and intensity of the masses of girls.

I largely got it back then, why women gravitated towards her. She did represent a bad-ass sexuality with big mud sucker lips, which to me is a sexy thing.

So what was wrong with me? Why the turning down of the thumbs, oh mighty Caesar?

First off it was her uncanny resemblance to her father, Jon Voight. See picture.

Uncanny, isn’t it. When I see Angelina, I simply see him with long hair, collagen injections, and a smoking body.

And that might not be all that damning since he is an attractive male. Big deal. However, what disturbs me about it is the association of Voight with a specific movie he did several decades back.

Midnight Cowboy.

I don’t know if you’ve seen that movie or not, but that is one fucked up movie. Nothing like Midnight Toonces, the SNL parody of said movie. My dad rented it one night while I was home on winter break from UCSB. Anyways, long story short, the movie was not about a driving cat, but follows Voight’s character’s fall from grace as an up and coming actor who ends up in drugs and male prostitution. Depressing, depressing movie to say the least.

So back to my point. When I see Angie’s face a part of me sees Voight giving a handjob in a movie theater. Not a good association.

But that’s not all of it. It’s also her demeanor. And what about the blood in the vial around her neck shit a few years back? That was pretty ridiculous.

But it was with Billy Bob and that dude is a stud. If you don’t think so then simply watch the Bonus Features of the movie he wrote and starred in, Slingblade. I reckon you’ll change your mind after seeing it. He is another one of my guys. A real talent and I don’t know if many know and appreciate that.

So there was the blood and fucking Slingblade in limos on the way to award shows. Whatever.

But as I was starting to say, it was her demeanor. Her appearances on talk shows. Inside the Actor’s Studio, where she came off as so into Angie. Taking herself and her image way too seriously. She mostly said all the right things, but it was how she said it. She revealed too much.

So the thumb was turning down. I can be pretty unforgiving for that shit.

But, it wasn’t a total thumbs down because it seemed like she was trying to be normal and accessible, but didn’t know how. And fuck, maybe when she looks in the mirror she too sees her dad giving a guy a handjob. That would fuck a kid up. She is estranged from him now, so you never know.

So the impulse has been to turn the thumb down, but it gets locked around horizontal.

So shit it crossed my mind for whatever absurd reason this morning.

Oh, this is why! I was thinking….

How ridiculous that this post is this long and is about Angelina Jolie? Strange world we live in.

But I was thinking, what if I had a mixed ethnicity baby and how that would register with me identifying with it. It was a half thought, but my mind quickly jumped to Angelina and her hoard of baby NATO members.

And thus started the Blitzkrieg of thoughts, judgments, angles, etc. of the long standing Jolie assessment.

Where am I with it today?

Well here it is…

Thumbs up.

You simply have to respect her actions. It’s not like she just visited those “Third World”…er “Developing Nations”…um “Condescending Not As Good As Us Countries” dressed to the nines in Audrey Hepburn attire. Cause that’s what it looked like at the time.

She did more. Much more than that. Astronomically more than that. She adopted these kids. What are we up to, five or something? I don’t care what anyone says, that is pretty amazing. Last time I checked, babies don’t die off after five years or so like a Chiahuaha. They are a life long devotion. One that has become her life.

I don’t know. She may be off, this, that, or the other, but you have to respect someone who walks a walk like that.

So thumbs up Angie. Breathe a sigh of relief. You finally have my approval. And as far as the physical goes, I think I’ve come around on that front as well. I just wont gaze into your eyes if I ever get the chance to play with your boobs. And regardless of my growing progress in that department…no handjobs.


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