BN Journal Post….Fuck It I’ll Share A Section Of My Journal Post Today

Just because it is probably something we all roll around with. Although in case it bores the shit out of you, I’ll include a pair of boobs so your time’s not entirely wasted.

Scroll

Down

With

A

Bit

Of

Care

If

You

Are

At

Work

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Nice! Now damn, that was unfair of me ladies. Sorry. Hold on let me find something for you as well…..

Ahh…here we go…..

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Yum…. There you go. You like chocolate, don’t you?

Anyways, here is a possibly communal experience that I’ve been bumping into these days. Since we have a frickin’ blog for some inexplicable reason, I figured I might as well use it like one as opposed to a bizarre off shoot of how we’ve used it thus far. So…dear diary.

Journal entry already in progress:

Also though, separate from the time I lost, I am also waking up to my life as it truly is. My life w/out the distractions. Without the pace. Without whatever. Cause I was in this maturation/life stage a handful of years ago yet I didn’t feel it. And that’s the structuring, independence, and next stages of my life. I’m no longer in my 20’s. Now is the time to flourish in career, get married, and start a family. 0-3 at near 34. That’s the cold hard truth. None of those are in place now and I don’t know how close I am to having those in place. Like a girl obsessing over a slight bump in her nose, I am sort of over feeling this situation. Though unlike the bitch w/ the witch nose, this is significant and important.

I don’t want to keep losing time. I don’t want years to fly off the calendar and I’m not getting anywhere on the 0-3 fronts.

I know how necessary and significant this time period has been. I’m not minimizing its importance at all. I’m just understandably lost to whatever degree and w/out true bearing as I’m coming through it. It’s not like I’m running back into my board shorts to go surfing and live w/ buddies. Nor am I going to keep working jobs that make no sense to me. I want to pick what I want to go after and start doing it.

A step at a time, and first things first…but NO MORE blowing around like a leaf in the wind w/ a “I don’t give a fuck about what I’m doing at work” while I fully exploit the fun of my spare time. It’s not about that anymore.

It’s time to truly grow up. Time to be industrious. Time to insert meaning and importance, productivity, purpose into my 40+ hours per week of my time that I have guffawed at for years. Time for my life’s work…

Almost time….

And another thing. The woman that’s supposed to fit the part to fulfill 2 out of 3 of this stage. I’ve never been nervous about that part before. I’ve ‘squandered’ many-a-marriage-caliber-girl that most guys would/should give their left cashew for… I’m certainly not withering on the vine, but for the first time in my life, I’m kind of a little uncomfortable w/ it all. Maybe my confidence in my life now and my place within it is at a low ebb due to my present circumstances which has me feeling this way. Less assured…

Regardless, I am feeling it. And oh well… It’s not necessarily a bad thing, a troubling thing, or a concerning thing to be….well, concerned. I’m giving a shit about this now. And this being more than just love and following my heart where it roams. I’m taking it more seriously and maybe that’s the first real step in this arena. The first steps towards erasing the goose egg.

We’ll see.

BN