BN’s Top 5 Near Death (Or Its Equivalent) Experiences

#5 Falling off a fence at age 4 fracturing my skull and dodging actual retardation (jury is still out).

#4 Cutting school one day when I was fourteen and taking my dad’s car on a joyride. A friend ditched school as well and we took the car downtown -which was an awful idea, because a) it was a school day, b) I looked like I was 8, c) my friend looked like he was 7, d) I didn’t know how to drive stick, and e)…let’s capitalize it for emphasis E) I stalled said stick at a left turn light for the duration of two light changes as the car lurched repeatedly and died. Oh, and need I mention that a cop was two cars back. We nearly ditched the car after stalling through the first set of lights.

# 3 Driving back from Tahoe when I was 22 and having a tire come off the truck of an oncoming…well truck and having it jump the divider at 70 mph and hitting me straight on going…well a lot faster than 70 (thus a tire-fast-ball of over 150 mph) nearly ripping me in half. For whatever reason I saw something in the corner of my eye and ducked. I wish I had still had a photo of this, but my car accordian in on itself and had I not ducked, I would not be typing away at this today.

#2 Paxil. Enough said.

#1 (And this is in correct order of severity) 8th Grade English Class… I masturbated to completion….