For Mature Audiences Only…Or Immature Just Not Young…Or Young But Really Mature In An Immature Way

I went out last night.

By myself, which was a bit unusual, but for whatever reason I needed to be out there or away, or something. And even a bit more unusual, I was being very social. It seems I sort of slipped into some sort of a traveling mode persona. With that extra socializing gear that comes from being truly alone, and allows to quickly connect with strangers. It’s been awhile since I’ve traveled. But tonight, this strange new country was in my back yard.

So I met this person and that person. It’s entertaining. I’m having fun. And, well…what is a night without running into a couple of girls? I’ve been on a roll lately with the mojo. So I’m not fighting or over-thinking it. Just having a good time.

Two girls, mid-twenties I’d guess. Both very beautiful. I begin comfortably chatting with the first closest to me. She responds with an arms distance sort of stance of defense, but quickly begins disarming when she assesses, rightly or wrongly, that I am not stalking her like prey. She quickly turns to smiles.

Her friend joins in and quickly because I’m traveling right, we are all hitting it off. We’re all laughing a little bit too much. A little too hard. The energy is a cross between good nerves and excitement and a sense of knowing that something very well might be brewing.

So to move things along here, which may be kind of wrong to not add to the buildup, but well let’s place us…right….about….here.

We are all now in a hot tub. This can’t be going too bad.

Huge frickin’ hot tub by the way. More like a heated pool actually. And a public one, though hardly anyone was in it. And I can’t even really describe where it is. Somewhere in the vicinity of Berkeley. I’m pretty sure I wouldn’t be able to find it if I tried. Anyways, the three of us are there and there’s two or three other people in there as well but they’re seemingly not paying attention. Or feigning sleep or rest or meditation or something. It’s dark. Their hands are under the water. I’d like to think just resting in their laps but I’m not really paying much attention to them.

I’m just feeling loose and comfortable as are the girls.

And what do you know its been only a minute or two at most… and the dance begins. Is this really happening? I mean really?

A leg brushes up. My leg doesn’t refuse. My arm instinctively reaches out and slowly directs one in. This girl has her arm around the other girl and in some naturally linked fashion , like them plastic monkeys from that board game… we all sort of make our environment that much closer, more self contained, and that much more fun. I could choose to take a quick look at the others to see if they’re watching, preferably sleeping, or maybe I’ll get a quick wink from one who faking sleep and will send me the direct and totally clear, “At a fucking boy kid! I won’t move a muscle to scare these girls off. I promise. You are doing this for both of us. All of us really. They will be convinced I am in nothing short of a coma. Make us proud”.

The three of us are all looking at one another and are no longer talking. The girl I pulled in smiles and then leans to her friend and gives her a kiss. How old am I? Didn’t I already pass this stage? How fine am I with this by the way? Just imagine. I can hardly believe this is happening.

I know my turn is coming next. Or if I play my chosen part, I will. So I smile, so naturally, again believe me, and pull in the girl who got kissed. She leans in and smiles as I direct her towards me by her wet hair and neck. We exchange a nice, slow intense exchange.

This shit was getting flat-out Wild Things. (Sorry I didn’t have my camera phone 4). These are in fact the two thoughts I had at the moment.

Where was I?

So I pull in the other girl. The more attractive girl. And they are both very, very good looking. Believe me. One was just more attractive than the other. That is unavoidable. The one I pull in is a mixed asian girl of some sorts. Well mixed with the right flattering amounts of caucasian…

Not really good with deciphering the specifics of the asian. But she’s a bit shorter but incredibly exotic and beautiful. With such a healthy body.

I pull her in and we start going at it, and like a race bunny at the track, the other girl just sort of drifts off into the backdrop, having done her work, reducing our three person circle to two.

Is this a race? I swear I bet I can beat her. I would be what you call, the smart money.

But I wont treat it that way. The last thing I am thinking about is a clock. What fucking time is it anyways? Everything seems so out of sorts.

She takes off her top. Yes, indeed in the public hot tub. I’m rolling with it. She’s not really fully exposing herself since there are others even if asleep or feigning. She does it but her half nakedness is more implied than literal. It is pretty dark and she is mostly under water. Which, you know, for some reason I decide, I’m not totally content with. Which I should be? Right? What am I shooting for? Am I this greedy?

But she is allowing this to go this far. Or at least partaking in this dance. I need to respect her moves, or the dance, right? Or wait. If we are dancing, I am the one who should be leading, correct? Correct. I mean, I am fucking thinking this way. No nerves with me. All instinct. I dash my eyes quickly to the few guys in the backdrop. They don’t stir. Good work guys.

Her legs are wrapped around mine. I pull her towards me then lay her back in the water and let her float exposed on her back as she smiles with a certain liberation as her eyes close gently. What the fuck am I doing??? I know exactly what I’m doing, but this is nuts.

We then get a bit self-conscious, or I do. I’m leading. So I lead her to the other side of the tub/heated pool with my back to the audience and race bunny to create our own sense of privacy.

And then it proceeds to go a bit farther. And I am a gentleman of sorts so I will not get too detailed here. We weren’t totally out of control mind you. But out of respect to her and not to feed you perverts anymore fish, I will skip ahead a bit to tie this all together.

But damn, right???

Who’s proud of me, raise your hands? Ok. Who’s disgusted by me, raise your hands? One…two….Ok. You two leave and stop reading this blog. You don’t belong here.

So a day after Thanksgiving. A night in the Bay Area. What the fuck? And this can occur HERE? I’m sure in Forum or Penthouse letters, or Vegas on an off night, but Berkeley? I have always talked some shit about Northern California. A great place to grow up, but an uneventful place for the young to almost not young at all adulthood. I may have to rethink this. This place may be too much for me after all.

So skipping ahead a few hours I’d guess. Time is still functioning differently tonight. I can’t quite put my finger on it. I am almost completely and totally sober. I only had a few. But…believe it or not, the night had more in store. I’m not going to lie here, the night had definitely peaked, it just took a bit of a turn. I’ll drop us off in the middle of what happened next and hopefully you can link it together.

I’m in this giant bathtub type Jacuzzi and I’m basically swimming around in there. What the fuck is up with these girls and water tonight? I’m pruning man. Probably dehydrating me somehow as well. I don’t dehydrate well.

This tub was huge though which was cool because I felt like a total baby swimming around in it. This was a new location by the way. We had vacated the public tub…Ugh. That sounds a bit seedy now. Like some gay bath-house or something. Shit, it wasn’t was it? No. God I hope not. It was kind of like those public tubs in ski resorts. Just here. I just didn’t know they had them out here. But whatever. I’m now in their house or one of the girls’ house. I don’t think that they were roommates for some reason, and I’m even less sure that I would be able to find this place again, but we are no longer in Berkeley… or the Berkeley area.

The girls are in the back room. Probably doing lines of coke, I fear. I mean I have no idea now. It’s how my mind works. They are more likely, rather, the one who took her top off and danced with me, is probably crying now because she felt she did something wrong and is on the bed with damp hair, wrapped in a white towel, crying with her knees drawn to her chest. Oscillating back and forth between tears, anger, and laughter at her perceived stupidity. None of these emotions to the extremes (I would have heard) but I’m sure that’s what was going on. She probably has a boyfriend. Stupid girls. The race bunny I’m sure is doing her job to best get her back on track.

But I’m in this great big Jacuzzi. And I’m fine with that. I’m swimming around now. A very competent swimming baby is how I feel. I am dwarfed by this thing. Why didn’t we just come straight back here? This is so much better? We would have all fit. Weird.

Made even more weird because my friend Jason just walked in and told me that he called my ex, who recently, not too recently had a child, and Jason told her something about me. It kind of killed the mood to say the least. “What??? Why??? Wait…How did you even get her number?”

Hold on. Where are the girls? They have been gone for a long time. Shit maybe they O.D. (d…is there an extra ‘D’?) Maybe they’re not crying but have powder sugared faces and are all Uma Thurman-ed out. Christ! First things first.

“What did she say?”

Jason doesn’t reply because he sees that I am distracted.

I am looking out the window because I heard something and I see a familiar path of pine trees leading to a lake…the moon…it was full last night if anyone else noticed….beautiful…lit up everything…..But I see this bear chasing after someone I know but I can’t make it out. And then I honestly, I swear to God, I see that it’s John Candy being chased by the bear.

It’s not alarming. I can tell that it’s a trained bear. The bear at one point rolls on it’s side like a dog and makes a playing swipe with his hand. They must be shooting a sequel to the Great Outdoors.

Wait, isn’t John Candy dead?

Those girls have certainly been in the back a long time.

The tub just sort of evaporated.

Where am I?

Jason is no longer to be found.

Everything shifts and mixes quickly. There is no more story line. Am I alright? Maybe I stroked out in the tub. Maybe the dehydration has reached severe levels. Nothing is congealing. I now feel my body. My left side specifically. Oh God, I had a stroke! My neck is now very uncomfortable.

I shift onto my right side. It takes care of the neck. But this shift will only be temporary. It exposes my left ear, which is my good ear and it is only a matter of time before a dog starts barking and re-awakens me to have me shift back to the silencing left. Anyways…

…damn, where was I?

BN


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