Jared Leto’s PHAT

Oh my.  It’s NOT a fat suit.

I first saw a picture of bloated Leto on the back of the DVD rental, Chapter 27, (a drama by the way.  NOT a comedy.  No, I’m serious, it’s not supposed to be funny) at Blockbuster the other night and of course it made me laugh.  For one, I assumed he was sporting one of those retarded fat suits like the one anorexic Monica once resided in on Friends.  Or Gwenyth Paltrow in Shallow Hal.  Or you know the one Eddie donned as the unfunny professor. Or (yes your getting my point…it’s played so the fuck out) Ryan Reynolds in Just Friends.

But seeing pretty boy Leto in one (or so I thought) in a serious movie just seemed absurd for a multitude of reasons.  For one, why would they go to such lengths to cast him?  The dude isn’t some amazing actor.  It’s not like he’s Deniro or something and the movie company just had to have his talent in any shape of form.  No.  He’s ok, at best.  I mean I did like the movie Prefontaine, but this dude is bankable only because of his dreamy bedroom eyes, and his lean, muscular…  Oh crap…  Fat picture!  Look at fat picture!

Whew…that was a close one.

But again as I found out today, it is in fact not a fat suit.  The guy reportedly threw 70 pounds onto his frame for this once in a lifetime roll with co-star….. yep, Lindsey Lohan.

Oh Leto.  This whole thing is making less and less sense as we go here.  It’s one thing if he was in an epic Tom Hank’s war movie and felt the urge to destroy his body for the part, ala Matt Damon.  But Lindsey freakin’ Lohan?

He must not have known who his co-star was.  That’s got to be it.  He must have been told that this would be a career changing movie about the assasinatio…murder…whoa why did I go to assassination?  Is that what people call the killing of John Lennon? (Oh yeah, by the way, Chapter 27 is about the guy who killed Lennon.) So yeah.  Assassination?  I mean Mark Paul Gosslear (ha ha) or whatever the killer’s name was, has been known by all three names like assassins are. Interesting.  I’m sticking with killer though.

But I digressed, as I always do.

He must not have known.  Poor Leto is all I have to say.

Now this gets me thinking.  You know what the producers of  epic Lindsey Lohan flicks ought to do from here on out?  They should  do something akin to the fat suit route.  In order to sell movies they should miscast some big name celebrities to headline the films.  Like Shia Lebeauf.  Right?  He’s sort of one of the big deal young guys in Hollywood right now.  But since Shia would never, nor ever need to do a Lohan flick, they could just pay him for his silence and meanwhile hire a chubster who sort of resembles Shia to play the part.  Because who would be the wiser?  No one.  His replacement would be easy to find and more than happy to be given the minimum wage for a movie actor’s salary.  What $750 per day?  Everyone truly would win.

Man, what an interesting idea if I don’t say so myself.  Undercover fat doubles.  The idea is enticing…

BN