Kool Aid

I was just thinking about this the other day.  You remember the old Kool Aid ads from back in the day?

Of course you do.

A bunch of bored, parched kids sitting around a room.  One throwing an old baseball into his mit.  Another wiping his brow.

“Man, it’s hot.”

Kid blows a bubble.

“I know.”

Then all of the sudden.  BOOM  BOOM BOOM.  The room shakes.  The kids look to one another in total excitement.  CRAAAAAAAASSSHHHHH!!!!  This giant pitcher of red punch crashes through the wall to bring these kids his refreshment.


I got to say, Kool Aid Man didn’t mess around when it came to doling out sugary contents to children.  Just imagine the grudge the ice cream man must have been carrying.  No little jingle to tempt the kids out for Kool Aid Man.  No, he just ripped through their walls.

Which is really what kind of cracked me up the other day.  What was that all about?  Why was this lunatic destroying these kids homes just to bring them some punch?  What writer thought up that story line?  Yes, a giant pitcher of punch with arms and legs, that can talk and dance with the kids.  Yes, that I get.  That is decent marketing.  But taking out their houses like a hurricane…well that seems a bit excessive, doesn’t it?  What’s the message there?  Perhaps the message was targeted at the parents.  Like keep your kids hydrated or we will  destroy your home.

And what about that act of destruction…  Wasn’t Kool Aid Man made out of glass?  I am no wizard at physics, but I would put my money on a brick wall any day over a giant hollowed out glass pitcher.  Even if it does have appendages and an iron will to deliver his contents to children.  I mean I know we have to suspend a good portion of disbelief to allow the personification of pitcher-man, but honestly, wouldn’t the scenario go something more like this:


Kids look to one another.  Tommy drops the baseball.


The walls shake with a frightening crash.  The kids get up and run outside to see shards of glass everywhere and rivers of red liquid flowing in all directions, with a massive wet spot on the wall.

I don’t know.  And while I’m at it.  Shit, since we the viewers have to imagine that this world exists where there is this giant Kool Aid Man that delivers his punch through walls, we would have to assume that outside of that room of kids, there also exists a neighborhood.  With neighbors with a few outside of their house, walking the dog, watering the plants, you know.  And then for them to see this giant madman of punch outside one of their neighbors house, putting his hand up against the outside wall.  See him psyching himself up.  Maybe giving the stink eye to ice cream man.  Perhaps taking a hit of PCP to ensure he carries the appropriate amount of aggression to impossibly break through concrete with his glass frame.   Then taking a few steps back while neighbors shake their heads and truly appreciate that this isn’t their home, and watches the lunatic Kool Aid Man as he starts running straight at the house.


I don’t know.  Very strange the whole thing was.  Very stange.


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