“Ladies And Gentlemen…Jessie McCartney!”

Can you hear the chirp of crickets?

Why oh why does the NFL always book these cheesy-ass teeny-boppers to highlight their halftime shows?  Is this some sort of extended punishment for the whole Janet Jackson ‘Wardrobe Malfunction’?   A concerted effort to make up in wholesome what a middle-aged, star-cladden nipple did in its opposite?

I’d assume it because these performers that they have since hired seem so out of place for the violent arena that is football.  The violent arena that caters solely to men.

Now I’m not saying that children and women don’t bleed football as well, but again it’s not marketed for them.  Fat men in beer ads are synonymous with football.  Barbie-dolled cheerleaders are certainly not intended for women, nor little Tommy’s enjoyment.  Nor are they there to make little eight-year-old girls question if they’re already too fat or not.

They’re for us.

Us men, who at games (if you see them live or on TV) who at times are brutes…or do their best to pretend that they are.  Painted from head to toe in war paint.  Or wearing a dog’s head (usually not an actual dog’s head).  Screaming, yelling, even throwing batteries wrapped in snow balls.  Football is a rough game and it tends to be supported and reflected in the surrounding environment that is the stadium.

So why in the world after 90 or so minutes of bone crushing hits and “fuck you, you piece of shit”s being screamed in a drunken chorus down at the opposing players, does, “ALLLLLRIGHHT!  ARE YOU READY FOR THE VOCAL STYLINGS OF JESSIE McCARTNEY??????” make any sense whatsoever?  It doesn’t.  Of course we’re not ready.

Nor were we ready when they force fed us Jessica Simpson.

Wait, hold on, it wasn’t Jessica Simpson…the equivalent of a busty Dallas Cowboy singing cheerleader.  That would have made some sense.  But, no, it was her awkward, pre-nose-job embarrassing younger sister, Ashley.

And of course if memory serves, she was met with deafening boos at the end of her performance.  Which really wasn’t her fault, cause why in the hell was she placed in that situation to begin with?

All I can say is that it will be nice when this trend of booking teen acts comes to a close.  There is a time and a place, and the midway point between a professional football game is certainly neither of those.

Anyways, to no surprise, the Titans are smoking the horrific Lions.  And as far as the halftime show, as out of place and stupid as it is to see a pipsqueak like Jessie sing, I’d have to say that he did a better job than I expected.

Anyways, Happy Thanksgiving to you all.   We are heading out to a restaurant for the first time in BN family tradition, but I welcome it.  Something about sitting hour upon hour with relatives when you are the only “young” one, just doesn’t spell p-h-u-n.

BN


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