Oh The Lovely Placenta Tree

I am not at all in the mood to write today, but stupid shit keeps happening. According to sources in the entertainment world, Matthew McConaughey has decided that he’s going to take his son’s placenta and bury it in an orchard so that one day his placenta will grow into a tree and “bear some wonderful fruit”.


Man I’ve never heard of placenta trees before, but I can only imagine that they’d be lovely and aromatic.

And how wonderful, when his boy gets older he can use the placenta tree like the Giving Tree. You know, eat the fleshy…literally fleshy fruit and carve his initials into the meaty bark.

Then years later he can come back with a girl and lay down in the shade of the pink colored tree.

More years will go by. The placenta tree will see the boy less and less and will feel sorrow for the passing time. Until one day, placenta tree will see the boy as an old man. Too old to bite into his sinewy fruit. But that’s ok. He will be happy just to have the boy’s company again…as long as time allows.

Oh sweet, sweet placenta tree.

I just have a question…How does a placenta turn into a tree? I’ve never read about that. Does that work with other body parts and/or excretions? Can we create pubic shrubs? How about a poopie pine?

You know, come to think of it, I might have misinterpreted the wording of the article…

Here’s the link.


Right on Matt. Right on.


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