Shamwow!

Oh without a doubt, this is my favorite commercial right now.

Take a peek.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QwRISkyV_B8

Are you familiar?

It’s 2am. I’m totally inebriated as I just got back from a crazy night at the bars. Too many bizarre stories to report on, but first things first.

Shamwow.

And I mean, wow!

I have never, ever seen a product on TV, pedaled by a meth user, for meth users. Are you kidding me?

You know…I just answered my own question I was about to ask. Apparently a 1/3 of the nation is addicted to meth, so this is in fact brilliant marketing.

But in being part of the 2/3rds that is not currently tweaking, I have to say, I LOVE everything about this commercial.

First off, the product.

Nope, nothing about the product is what I’m interested in.

I’m sure it works nothing like it’s touted to do. Or maybe it does. But who the fuck cares. Since when did sponges become such an incompetent tool?

But whatever. The testimonials. Go back and watch the video again. How many teeth collectively do these people have? Eight? Nine?

I mean really. It is fantastic.

And to then address the twitching elephant in the room. The host or owner or actor who is preaching about the miracle of Shamwow.

Clearly this guy is high as a kite. And if not, he is taking his first break in YEARS. Just look at this mess of a human.

But he is doing his best to cover his tracks…so to speak. You know look all distinguished and all by wearing his striking blue golf shirt. You know. Throwing down some eight odd dollars to look his best on national television. Excellent work.

And the best part. His telemarketer headphones. What the fuck???? Have you ever seen anything funnier? They’re not even plugged in!!! Who’s he supposed to be consorting with? Does he think this makes him look more professional??? I love it. It makes no sense at all.

To me it doesn’t and to you, because were not high on meth. Which really, if I’m honest, only intrigues me to not purchase Shamwow, but to try meth.

I mean, I have this burning need to see what it’s like to have utter nonsense make total sense.

Sham…WOW!

BN

-By the way, I am shiiiitfaced right now and almost calm again after almost getting pulled over for a warranted DUI. Not because I was swerving but because I am in fact under the influence. I think what saved me was my stubborn thick headed attitude. This fucking cop….oh, they’re all fucking pigs aren’t they until they save our asses…but this oinker jumps out of his lane and chases after as I drive nothing but straight and the speed limit on my way back home.

I really just expected it. I saw him sitting there with his thumb up his ass and wondered if he’d check me out. Lo and behold piggy wanted to fuck with me.

So, I watched him sit 50 yards back from me and I just kept an eye on my speed and thought not, “Oh God Oh God please no…”, but stupidly, “Go ahead you fucking douchebag loser cop”.

He then floored it as if he read my thoughts and sat on my ass.”

“Do it asshole”.

I came to the next stop light to take my left and coppy didn’t throw on his lights as would be predicted. Instead he aggressively thew a U-ey and headed after some drunk girl to of course stare at her shaking tear stained ta-ta’s. He was just fucking with me. Seeing if I would flinch so he could slug me twice in the arm with some condensation and a few grands loss to my bank account.

But based on moronic abrasiveness, I was spared because I was nothing but calm, cool, and uncollected.

Well there are about four great stories from this evening, but I will leave it at this.

Goodnight kiddos.

Love,

BN