The Egg

Man, I was going to start this off a certain way, then it dawned on me how once again the meaning of the egg is as obvious as the name.  Damn.  Who knew chicken eggs would be my main excitement for the day?  Sad.

For years I have been intending to look up once and for all what eggs actually are.  Are they baby chicks that had never had the chance to hatch?  Were we eating embryos?  Probably, right?  What else would it be?  To me what is as amazing as not knowing the answer, is that it has taken me this long to simply Google the son of a bitch, when looking up some meaningless bullshit like an actor’s height has not had to wait.  Nice fucking brain BN.  Clear scholar.

Regardless, I finally ended the information drought today while making breakfast.  Halfway through heating up my French toast, I looked at the broken egg shells and went, “Yes, Google that shit!”  And that is what I did and here is what I found out.  It didn’t disappoint.

You ready?  Take a seat…

Eggs, like the ones plastered to my piece of sourdough bread like brain matter are not in fact baby chick embryos.  Meaning that had they not been placed in an egg carton and refrigerated, they would not have turned into little baby chickens.  Interesting.  So what are they?

What they are, is what I was alluding to in my opening sentence.  They are eggs, much like the ‘eggs’ women drop each month, though external.  Crazy.  So obvious, yet I never grasped it.  Basically we are eating chicken menstruation.  Thus my breakfast today is menstruation on toast.  Delicious.

Apparently hens lay eggs every few days as opposed to once per month.  The only way that the egg turns into a chick is if a rooster pays a visit and fertilizes the egg pre delivery.  And further, following his night of hen debauchery (unless a chicken-nooner), his work stays with her for up to two weeks fertilizing roughly a half dozen of her eggs.

So that is basically how it works.  Farmers separate the hens and allow them to produce egg after egg and use them for our consumption.  When farmers need to shore up the chicken population they then add in a rooster, which allows the hens to fire off a bunch of fertilized eggs that they then will sit upon to incubate until they hatch to baby chicks.

So there you go.  Pretty amazing stuff.  And it makes sense in the Darwinian angle.  The purpose being a system to mass produce.  Eggs man.  I salute you.


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