The Stench Open

Ladies and gentlemen. Please behold the ceremonial releasing of the doves.

On behalf of Earclops, it is my great honor to announce the first leg of the the prestigious tennis tournament grand slam.

TW and BN have been spending the last few weeks warming up on the grassy, or should I say weedy tennis courts of Athenian. Dusting off ye ole’ cobwebs and refinding a rhythm with the ball and racket.

But the day has finally come. And with it, the epic 1:1 battles have begun.

So without further ado, I present you with Day 1 of oh so many more to come, of…

The Stench Open ‘08

Day 1 Recap

TW and BN met at 8:00pm. A late hour cause TW had to put his little tyke to bed. BN came with brand new balls (tennis balls…his internal fortitude was the same). BN was a bit early so he spent a few minutes loosening up his sore shoulder. At 8:05 TW strolled onto the courts looking sharp with a nearly sheared head.

BN was already complaining about fatigue due to his insomnia. He tends to run his mouth before and during sporting activities, whether it being shit talking or expressing what doesn’t feel right. Today was no different.

BN spun the racket to decide who would serve first. TW guessed down. The emblem was up. An ominous sign? Time would tell. But not too much time. Daylight was being lost by the minute.

TW starts off by breaking BN’s serve. BN complains.

TW goes on to run out to a 4-0 lead. BN isn’t terribly concerned. His energy, though shitty and expressed, is starting to return.

During TW’s serve, BN throws down a forehand and ricochets the ball off a little walnut on the ungroomed court for a winner. A great sign for a turning point, he figures. BN wins the break to make it 4-1 in favor of TW.

And that’s when BN found his power serve. Power with accuracy. A first for BN. With momentum swinging his way, BN is able to tie the score, then go on a run of his own to move ahead to a 5-4 lead.

TW is on serve and could lose the set here, but TW holds strong and evens the match at 5-5.

BN responds and comfortably holds serve at 6-5.

Not without a fight you S.O.B. TW comes through in the clutch to even it at 6-6.

Bats are beginning to snatch their dinner out of the air. Or not. But that’s what I was picturing. It was that time of the evening. We could barely see each other. And had I not just bought new balls, I don’t think we would have been able to hit a thing.

BN is back on serve and safely takes it to 7-6. If TW holds serve then we head to a tiebreak.

7-7. TW holds serve with ease.

Which takes us to a tiebreak.

Tiebreaks are decided by the “tennis player” (I use quotes cause it’s a stretch) who reaches 7 first, AND wins by two…the last part was decided when BN went up…


BN was on serve. Match on the line. Using ecolocation to find the service box, he tosses up the ball, and drives it down. TW hits it into the net, as is audibly registered, and the match ends to bring Day 1 to a close.

This is just the beginning folks. Stay tuned for upcoming matches.


*By the way, I will be inserting our profile pics once they are finished developing from the darkroom. You can choose and root along for your favorite player.

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