Virgin Hooker For Sale

You ask and you shall receive.  Not the virgin, but the writing of this news story that has come my way from one of our readers.

Apparently there is this 22-year-old virgin (not Connie Swayle) from San Diego (representing) who is auctioning off her virginity in hopes of raising up to $1,000,000 to…well, be temporarily rich, AND to pay for her desired Masters in Marriage and Family Therapy.

Alrighty.

I have to say that my first reaction to this ridiculous story was rather straightforward.

Lets see the photos!!! 

Followed by…

How high’s the bidding???

Yes.  You see, you must bear with us ladies.  It’s how us guys, ALL of us guys…your man’s no different… are wired.  Most of us successfully make it past these bottom dwelling  impulses, but these impulses are firmly there nonetheless.

Anyways, back to satisfying my first urge.

Ok.  She’s all right.  Certainly not the best looking virgin in San Diego.  Certainly not the worst.

So passing through impulse number one of genital enthusiasm, I next responded by effectively turning my brain back on.

And here it is.

First off, she looks kind of…well…unchaste.  Wouldn’t you agree?  I believe I well know the look of Southern Californian impurity.  I did my grad school “work” at SDSU and I tell you this girl looks like a dime a dozen down there and all of those girls were basically staggering to class after their countless cervical batterings.  It’s true.

So…a virgin?  It’s plausable, but unlikely.

My next reservation came in questioning if these are in fact even real photos.
Something to me seems a bit off. Photoshop trickery?  I don’t know.  Lets look at them again shall we…

Uh huh.  Yeah, she kind of looks like a younger Stiffler’s Finch-fucking mom in this one.  Was this somehow morphed?

What about the second photo?

Yeah.  Looks a little different, doesn’t it?  Who does she look like now? Not so much like the person in the first photo.

Oh, I got it…

“Billy” from the movie Big.  “Oh no.  Pork Rines….Blaaaaah.”

I don’t know.  I’m not trying to ruin this for people but something seems amiss.

And of course, what’s more askew than the education piece?  Sure I can imagine a virgin hooker having an education.  Not all hookers are stupid.  On the same token, not all college students are smart.  But, this girl (A.K.A. Natalie Dylan) is going for a Masters in Family Therapy?  Therapy?  And this coming off the heals of her supposed undergrad degree in Women’s Studies?

Something doesn’t smell right.  (Which theoretically can’t be the Virgin Hooker).  So I don’t know.  I will play along though and wish her and her future mate the best.  To each their own.

In totally unrelated news, Earclops is starting a fundraiser for childhood obesity.  That’s right.  Our goal is to raise $1,000,000 as fast as we can.  Cause those little fatties need help really quickly.  Just make your checks out to me.  Thanks for doing your part.

BN


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